"Go Ride!"

There is nothing as precious as grandchildren!  The first phrase our great-grandson learned to say was, "Go ride!"  I think my husband enjoys it as much as our grandson does.  There is nothing more rewarding than the love you feel when you hold that sweet, innocent little body close to your heart, knowing they are helpless and are depending on you for safety and care.  They trust so perfectly in your ability to keep them securely in your arms.  "What a ride!" "Perfect peace!" This is the peace we can experience in the arms of our Heavenly Father!  All we have to do is crawl up into his lap and he will gently draw us close to his heart and we will experience perfect peace.  He will carry us through each day, caring, protecting and nurturing us as we meet each challenge.  "What a ride!"

"Exciting News"

One of the joys of being a preacher's wife is ministering to the preacher, did I say joys? Today was no exception for such an honored opportunity.  My dear husband found out today that he is expecting.  Wow, how can this be?  After three days of severe pain, slow humble striding, and contorted expressions, he decides to take himself to see the doctor. Test revealed that not only is he expecting but it is a tubal. We sit in the examining room, patiently waiting to see the specialist.  He enters with the grim news, "We can deliver this baby one of three ways: we can dilate the tube and give you up to thirty days to deliver the baby, we can put you to sleep and use shock waves to try and dislodge the baby or we can put you to sleep and go in and take the baby."  Doctor Cox, (I'm not kidding),  explained that option number three could be quite painful because once the baby is delivered he will have to put a stint into the tube with a string attached to it so the stint can be removed after four days. The string would be taped to the side of the delivery site for safe keeping.  It would have to be pulled out through the opening where the baby is delivered.  I looked at the doctor and said, "And that's when he screams, right?"  He said, "Only for a little while"!  My husband said, "I'm use to pain, I pastor a church!"  So, my husband decides to go with option two. So, delivery is set for next Thursday.  We are excited and are expecting him to deliver a seven millimeter baby without complications.  We haven't totally decided on a name yet, but will probably choose "Flint" or "Sandy".

"Divorcement Anxiety"

So, how many affidavits does it take to get rid of a jerk? If my granddaughter calls me one more time and tells me she needs another affidavit filled out, I think I will scream!  And all these court appearances, I'm on a first name basis with the "Judge" for Pete's sake. I'm still trying to recover from the cost of getting rid of the first jerk.  What is it with these men?  Don't get me wrong; I know my granddaughter isn't perfect, after all she has some of my genes.  I'm just trying to figure out where these guy's genes came from.  And these lawyer's, nobodies credentials are worth a four thousand dollar retainer fee.  We just want some good representation, not stock in the law firm.  You may ask, "Is this a criminal lawyer?" Well, aren't they all criminals!  When they sleep at night I bet, "Visions of dollar signs dance in their heads!"  But, let me get back to the second jerk.  He needs prayer.  He needs a lot of prayer.  He needs deliverance from a lot of baggage and junk.  Guess what?  I don't drive a delivery truck and I don't own a junk yard.  I can say, after all the money my husband and I have invested in these marriages, we could easily have purchased several "Mayflower" moving vans.  The things you do for your kids.....grand kids.....and great-grand kids.....and the list goes on.  When the gavel hits the desk, and the judge says, "You are free", my song will be, "Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow"!

"Toil and Trouble"

I have discovered during all my years of being a preacher's wife, that one of the most difficult people to get along with is the pastor.  Yes, my dear husband, the pastor.  At this very moment I could rip his head off.  Since he is married to the "church", not the "Church", but the local organization, very little time is reserved by him to spend with me.  I toiled endlessly in the garden yesterday; which is my therapy for filling endless hours of his absence from my life.  So, bright and early this morning he gets up and proceeds to the garden to re pick the beans I slaved over yesterday.  This is his therapy for the guilt he feels for being married to the "church".  After I had washed his dirty drawers, cleaned the kitchen, made the bed, and got our dear granddaughter off to the university (she is the flower in the garden of crab grass) I joined him outside to see how his labor was progressing.  He had picked about a quart of beans, (I could have told him, but he won't listen) that he was wasting precious time he could have been spending with me.  He proceeds to get on the four-wheeler to go pick the blackberries that should have been picked last week, while he was being married to the "church".  Well, the berries were long gone because the rain we were blessed with last week, "Praise God", had long washed them off the bushes to rest on the ground now food for the precious little birds instead of his precious family.  He did, however, bring the berries in and wash them.  There was just enough to fill the one-half cup glass Pyrex dish.  Wow, what in the world should I do with all these berries.  I guess I could tie him to a chair and force feed them to him.  I put on my garden clogs and went to the garden.  Oh, he had watered the squash for me.  What is this on the end of my garden hose?  How many times have I told him not to spray the vegetables with the blunt force of the water hose?  I know I have told him at least four times to use the "gentle rain" attachment.  What is wrong with him?  It made me so mad.  I know he must have drowned the poor little bees working so hard to pollinate my precious plants for me.  And the blooms are drooping worse than my behind is.  What in the world was he thinking?  I said to him "I have asked you over and over not to do this; had you rather take a shower under the shower- head or have someone turn a fire hose on you."  Well, he didn't appreciate my input at all!  "Well", he said, "I just won't water anything anymore." I knew that's what he was going to say.  He is a typical man, trying to turn the facts so that I was the one who was guilty.  How in the world have I tolerated this for so many years.  He proceeded to tell me about all women and how they make such a big deal out of things, changing words, blowing things out of proportion, and not appreciating what men do.  I quickly told him he was acting like his fine church members and the next time he wanted me to do computer work for him he could get one of his fine church members to do it.  Not only that, I told him he could wash his own dirty drawers, iron his own clothes, make his own bed and cook his own food.  As always after a fight he sweetly says, "All I'm going to say is I love you and I'll be back after a while".  And I, a little less than politely replied, "Don't be in any hurry".

"Burn Out"